by Suzanne Newman
I’ve been eddied, tossed and broken, by this cancer’s gripping tide, Now I’m drifting all alone at sea and don’t know how to feel inside, I see the shore so far away, behind me, where my old-self stands, What lies ahead is drifting currents, endless skies and shifting sands. I don’t know who I am now, but I do know I have changed, Cancer’s altered my whole world, with its raw eyes my view is rearranged; I need to find my new self, can’t return to yester shores, But I’m lost, confused, unsettled, still in pain and tired, unsure. I feel I’m treading water and am frightened I’ll just sink, Now I’m cured, I should be happy, but my frazzled brain can’t seem to think, I’m panicked and impatient, apprehensive and don’t know, I’m keen to find a safe new shore, but can’t see where to go. When I started this whole journey and was waiting there on cancer’s shore, I pictured the view opposite, where I was healthy, cured, happy once more, The treatment was the bridge which I would use to cross the storm, But I fell in troubled waters, which I’m powerless to calm or warm. I fought the war on cancer, but my battle’s still not won, It’s strangled my emotions and its lingering grip is cold and strong, I thought by now I would be free, unbound from cancer’s tether, But find I’m firmly cast adrift and lacking any clement weather. But God speaks softly to me, reassures me that He’ll help, He knows the trial I’m going through and hears each struggled, woeful yelp, He understands my circumstance and says He’s got it all in hand, That I must exercise my faith and in due course I’ll reach dry land. The Lord’s my rubber-ring and raft, my lifeboat and supporter, And He knows the plans He has for me, as His beloved daughter; For now, I must swim patiently, across this new and challenging sea, And trust that God will lead me on, to the person I’m supposed to be. For God will keep my head above the surface and won’t let me drown, And He’ll strengthen my muscles, so the numbness cannot drag me down, The Lord will build my stamina, make me wiser, give me cause to fight, And then I’ll be renewed, refreshed, ever- grateful for His grace and might.
Suzanne Newman lives in England with her family. She is currently 47yrs old and has been a born-again Christian since the age of 19. Suzanne has always enjoyed poetry, but only began writing it in earnest in 2018. She joined Facebook in 2019 with the sole aim of sharing her Christian poetry to a wide audience, with the hope of encouraging others in their faith who are going through similar struggles in life to her, such as cancer, depression, grief etc. However dark the theme of her poetry may be, Suzanne always shows how God’s light is there with us in any and every situation. You can follow her at facebook.com/snewmanpoetry