by Ana Atanasković
On one of the previous Christmas Eves, I felt ‘a straight line’ at one point because of one action of a dear person. I didn not feel anger but fatigue. Whenever I feel anger, disappointment or fatigue, it is my responsibility, not someone else’s. They are products of my vanity. I know that. But, well, I still feel them somemetimes. I admit it.
And then I thought – how will I celebrate Christmas? I don’t want to continue to prolong those feelings!
Two minutes after that thought, the phone rang. It was her. I’ve known her for twenty years. We went through everything. Not only superficially, when you say ‘Hi’ to somebody and then ask ‘What did you have for lunch today?’ We really went through everything – from agreeing to disagreeing, from ‘visiting’ each other’s souls to confessions.
In fact, I consider her as my reality-check, as the person in front of whom I say all the things I do wrong. I speak like water and she resonates like earth. I need somebody who is reasonable in a different way than I am.
And there she was. I think that kind of relationship is called friendship.
– You will celebrate Christmas in a place that is a secret for now. Just get ready. Byzantine chant!
If anything is one of the most beautiful steps towards God, it is Byzantine chanting, I thought, but I knew was not performed at liturgies in Belgrade.
– You know I can’t stand on my feet for a long time! – I said honestly.
– You won’t stand, you can sit there as needed!
– You know I’m sensitive to the cold – I, a HSP complicated person to deal with, added.
– It’s not cold there! I checked! Be at 23:15 at the agreed place!
The city was empty. I went out in the night. I had adventurous thoughts –as if I was a character in a historicall thriller book. I was wondering to which church will she take me, where is it…
And, then, the mystery was revealed in front of God’s Beauty. In front of the feeling connected to God.
– The only important to me that you can sit – she said. She was very beautiful with a transparent white scarf.
I know how to take care of myself. But someone else’s sincere concern can make me cry. We went into the church completely new to me. It was a part of one Orthodox institution.
I was hiding my tears while I was looking for a chair in the hall and she was anxiously following me to see if I will find it.
That’s God. God abides in feeling happiness for another’s sake, in making effort for another, in the music of Heaven which I was able to hear, in the heart in Heaven.
I was grateful for that moment of happiness an for Christmas like that. One person is enough to feel God’s Magnificence.
Ana Atanasković is a writer from Serbia. She graduated English language and literature at the Faculty of Philology in Belgrade, and holds a Master’s degree in advertising in literature. Ana has over ten published books to her credit. As a journalist, she wrote for Serbian edition of ELLE, as well as for many prominent Serbian magazines and websites (currentlym she writes for one print magazine and two digital publications). She has won several awards for best book reviews and stories. Besides, she also works as a content writer.