by Terri Martin Wilkins
I lift my heart In ambivalent praise. Thrashing out an alleluia From the voiceless weary deep. Tenacious rejoicing Uncompromising gratitude Resolute devotion Entangled with inconsolable ruin and wreckage. This is who I am. As only myself I approach (boldly) the mystery of bread and wine, Again finding reassurance Comfort Solace Outrageous grace to drench my parched past With compassion and delight. But no answers. I don’t know. I don’t know. I do not presume to know. I may die of unknowing. Still I lift up my ambivalent heart With compelling praise, And choose to trust Although I cannot suppose the outcome. I rise with thankfulness Plagued by orphaned bereavement Believing that grace is sufficient That Your Wisdom is greater than my anxiety That mercy triumphs over judgment.
Terri Martin Wilkins is a follower of Jesus Christ, often failing but always relying on grace. She writes to express lament, praise, and the often difficult struggle to trust God in all things. She has previously published works in the ‘Heart of Flesh Literary Journal.’